Deomo's Log

??????

2005-05-14T21:53:00.000-07:00

*whisper* Shhhhhhh.... I hear someone coming. omoeD. omoeD? Damn it where is he.... ok I can do this by myself.....

omoeD is back

2005-04-27T15:25:00.000-07:00

.... Hello?.... Is that you omoeD?... How are you friend?.... Really? Where? Can you show me?...... But its to dark you know I cant see anything.... No I don't want to die here but I cant even see the hand in front of my face let alone a way around this place..... Wait, what did you say?... Ha you have to be kidding.... There is no way that's possible... How do you know about my dreams?.... Who is she? Do you know?... Oh please tell me omoeD..... Why not? They are just dreams they cant be real... How? So then why am I here?.................. I don't understand, what pendant?.... I don't have a clue what your talking about omoeD...... Alright, I will wait here, I wont go anywhere. Hey omoeD? Do you really think we will get out of here?..... Ok then I trust you....

Am I? Or am I not?

2005-04-27T09:33:00.000-07:00

Peaceful dream.... A young girl... I feel... Love and pride. So much love for and from her. Who is she? So excited to be with me... she is hunting with me, I am teaching her... and she looks up to me.. like im some sort of hero. Why? My heart just bursting with pride and joy for her. This is so strange... I don't know who she is. But yet.... This dream is not like the ones of death and destruction... this is happy and peaceful. I have this dream as often as I do the others. Im confused, I can feel myself wanting both worlds, but can such a thing exist... on one hand blood thirsty murder is so appealing and on the other being a hero to someone and being filled with pride at there achievements... I don't know.. maybe they are just dreams and mean nothing at all. Maybe the girl has something to do with my being a killer... or no longer being a killer. I don't know the dreams just seam to real. If only I could remember something... anything.... Gods its so dark

Not alone?

2005-04-27T09:08:00.000-07:00

.......
What's that?.... whose there?.... oh, its just you.... where have you been?..... oh. Did you find a way out?..... oh, that's to bad. Oh well its ok, we will stick to the plan you and I. What's that?.... How do you know?...... Oh ok. What did you say your name was again?..... omoeD, well its nice not to be alone after all omoeD. How long have you been here?..... What? Wait a min.. Don't go, don't leave me alone...... Oh your coming back?.... Ok. Hey next time can I go with you?..... Why not?.. Find my own way?.... but its to dark in here I cant see a thing.... Other senses? Like hearing and smell and stuff?.... Ok well I guess I will go to sleep while you are gone... I feel kinda tired and weak..... The food is all gone you say? Oh... well I guess we starve from here..... Ok omoeD, take care. I will see you later... Hehe I guess your right, I wont actually see you later... Hey don't be gone to long ok... I don't like to be alone.....

Is this who I am?

2005-04-27T08:55:00.000-07:00

Nightmarish dreams.... Blood... People screaming in pain... but something comforting about it. Why? I see myself threw the eyes of a cold blooded killer. Enjoying, savoring the moment when the light of life leaves the eyes of my victims, hearing there last breath rattle free from there chest. I can still feel my pulse racing, my heart beating furiously in my chest while I kill.... Is this who I am? It must be, the pleasure I feel when I wake from these dreams.... I must have been caught... This is my sentencing... placed in a cell with no light and no food to die alone. That's why no one comes when I call out for help.... Surely there is a way out. There must be... and... yes... that just might work. I will pretend I am dead, I will not move for several days, let the guard come to me, and when he does.. I will spring back to life and claim his.... Yes, yes that will do nicely. I will kill the guard and make my escape. Just lay here... one place.... Don't move... Don't make a sound...they will come... kill them... run and hide... kill them and be free... they will come, they will come, they will.... and kill them, yes, yes that is what I will do, kill, kill, kill anyone that tries to stop me......

.......

2005-04-27T08:52:00.000-07:00

........... I don't want to die, not here, not like this... but then I don't know how I would have wanted to die.... Its so dark..... Im alone... Im scared. I have found food but there isn't much... still no way out.... I cant recall anything... so.... alone.... please somebody... help me.

Later

2005-04-27T08:47:00.000-07:00

Hours had passed.... Maybe days I don't know. I have crawled along for a while searching for a way out and have found nothing. I have cried out for help for so long that my voice has gone horse. Im hungry.. I feel like I haven't eaten in a month. I need to find a way out... or some food. Im beginning to think I may have been left here to die.... I don't want to die alone.

April 22

2005-04-27T07:50:00.000-07:00

I woke to a start. Jumping up and taking a defensive posture. I felt weak and dizzy. It was dark and I couldn't see anything. I stood for a long time listening... my head was spinning. I was disoriented and confused.... water... I heard the sounds of water running close behind me. Where was I?
The trickling sounds of water soothed my tension some and I relaxed a little. I stood there somewhat on guard listening.. waiting, but I didn't know what I was waiting for. I turned and reached out in front of me heading to the sounds of the running water. I bumped into a low wall... no wait.. it was a pool. NO!! it was a fountain. Ok, so..... I found a fountain, now to find a light or something. I followed the edge of the fountain using my hands to guide my way... I found a wall, a real one this time and followed that until I found a switch. I toggled it a few times but nothing happened... power must be out. I took a few steps forward and a door slid open triggered by the motion sensor. So then the power isn't out just no lights... strange. Funny even with the door open there is no light. What is this place? No lights at all? Its black as pitch how is anyone supposed to get around in this place? How the hell did I get here? Was I drugged and kidnapped? If so for what?.. when?.... Ok calm down, think what is the last place I remember,...I... don't remember... I cant remember a thing...not even my.....

"SOMEBODY HELP ME PLEASE!!!!"

A Fathers Soul for a Daughters life pt. 8

2005-04-26T02:00:00.000-07:00

I could smell sweat, rank and sour, the sting in my eyes. I could taste blood, bitter. My ears were ringing with the sounds of our pikes clashing. I was slowly regaining my senses again, becoming conscious of my actions. I could feel the blind rage that had guided my hand, my body, my mind fading. The feral was subsiding and I could feel exhaustion waiting for its moment to claim me.... just on the brink. My first thoughts were of Meela, I searched franticly and found the walls intact, Scarlet had replaced hers and Meela was safely behind them, my own walls however had been destroyed during my lose to the feral. My second thought..... the Shadow Ancestor... I looked around... I could see blood spray everywhere... I quickly searched myself and found my right shoulder had been dislocated, numerous cuts on my arms and legs, a broken finger and a deep gash across my chest, and on my head someplace.... but I was still alive. The Shadow Ancestor lay in a heap on the ground a few yards from me, laying in a pool of blood, laughing... His guard was down, now was my chance to finish him for good... But I hesitated, I couldn't figure out why he was laughing

(SA) "Hmhmhmhm.... Welcome back Deomo"

his voice was pained and weak... how long had we been at it? How long was I lost to the feral?.... the sweet sweet feral.

(SA) "It appears you have what it takes... GODS DEOMO!!!! Your strength, your speed... the raw power you poses when you allow the feral to do what it was meant for you..."

(D) "Shut up. Im tiered of listening to you."

(SA) "Then finish it... Son... finish me and join us."

I raised my pike and advanced on him, ready to end his pathetic life
!!!!!!!! My pike!!!... It was...It's.. broken.. where was the other half???
I looked toward my so called father as he rolled over... there buried deep in his chest was the other half of my pike, the hilt sticking out just a few inches.

(SA) "Come Deomo...*cough* fulfill your destiny"

No... I cant... I couldn't kill him, not because he was my father.. because I realized that taking his life would end my own... and complete the transformation.

(SA) "Why do you not do what you have come to do? *cough*... Ahhhh... I see *cough* you understand now what will happen if you kill me *cough*... You have no other option.... join us by taking my place... or I can just slowly take over as I have been... We will always be connected you and I *cough*... Always."

I looked down at my chest.. the pendant glowing red and ominous... A whisper in the back of my mind was talking to me. I felt a warmth, something familiar about it. The voice was soft and kind.... I could trust this voice... she had always been honest with me in spite of everything, she offered guidance, a solution.

(D) "I don't think so Father this ends now."

I reached up and took hold of the pendant and snapped the cord from my neck

(SA) "What are you doing?"

I threw the pendant to the ground. I felt the grip on on my chest... that invisible hand crushing the life from me.

(SA) "Deomo you *cough* cant... you will die."

My vision blurred, I could feel life slipping from me slowly.

(SA) "Deomo no! *cough* put that back on!"

(D) "Why? to become..... like you?.... I would rather..... chose....... *I love you Meela*..... death."

I raised what was left of my pike and with all the strength I could muster brought it down upon the pendant.

(SA) NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A brilliant flash of light washing everything from view, a searing pain. The Shadow Ancestors cry for me to stop... trailing off and then....everything was....... gone.

*Thank you..... Kimbrya*

All was dark.....
quiet,
cold,
Beneath me I could feel the soft new rug, I could hear the rushing trickle of the fountain.... I didn't move... I couldn't, exhaustion gained a firm grip on me and was moving in to put me down.
Was it over? Did I win?
a strange and unusual peace had settled into my heart and I knew.... Meela would be safe, as well as Scarlet. I let a long over due sleep over take me... as I drifted I couldn't help but think... funny... the blue lights must have burnt out... but all 6? Strange... oh well...... I will.... fix...... later......
*sleep*

A Fathers Soul for a Daughters life pt. 7

2005-03-23T16:15:00.000-08:00

I stood up.... my head lowered. A defeated feeling spreading all over. This.... thing was.... is my father.

(SA) "So you see... I have been with you all the time."

(D) "No... I don't believe it. I wont..."

(SA) "How could you not... when I have put the truth right in front of you."

(D) "No... everything I have believed up to now.... a lie? How can you expect me to believe what I have just seen?"

(SA) "Because I have shown you the truth."

(D) "Then why?.... why did you do it?"

(SA) "Would you have rathered that the clan elders have you executed? Would you stand by and do nothing if your daughters life was in danger? Do anything in your power to protect her? This is what I did for you.... and now... I must fulfill my part of the bargain with the elders."

(D) "What bargain?"

(SA) "To "make" you when the time came, when you were ready. I had to become one to save your life. And now... I have to "make" you"

(D) "I wont become you"

(SA) "You have no choice... your fate was decided all those years ago.... you should have died then, but thanks to me making the sacrifice I made, you have had a chance to live... your life belongs to me."

*FLASH*

(M) "Daddy? Daddy where are you... where is mommy?"

(D) *!!!!!!* "Meela honey go find mommy quickly.... I will be with you soon"

(M) Mommy is with that other man... she acting funny, then she gone"

(D) *Feral* as calmly as possible "Sweetheart... I need you to go back to where mommy left you, find that place and wait for me there."

(M) "But im board... and lonely... Mommy is playing with the other man..."

(D) *Damn you Scarlet.. Maxell you stupid son of a bitch*
"BABY!!.... Listen to me... I will be with you soon, now go back, just waite there for me... I wont be long."

(M) *Pouty* Ok.

Turning my attention back to the Shadow Ancestor, and having to use precious energy needed to take on this thing, instead to put up a stronger wall. Damn it Scarlet you know I cant have these distractions, you know my life is at stake as well as our daughters.... and you do this now. NOW!!! You stupid.... *Feral pulsing* I will deal with Maxell as well... does he not have self control enough... he is no man.. just a dog in heat.. like all the rest and no better then those that hurt her before. Meela is left alone and unprotected... YOU LEAVE MY DAUGHTER ALONE AT A TIME LIKE THIS!!!! YOU WILL PAY DEARLY!!!! *FERAL, growing out of control*

(D) *Snarl* "Listen to me father. I don't let anyone dictate my life... I am in control."

(SA) *Shaking his head* You don't have a choice... and... what's this? Ah... she is somewhat alone right now isn't she... yes I can feel the energy level around her is not focused on keeping her safe, yours is but her mothers seems to be a bit.... distracted. Maybe I will pay her a short visit."

(D) "You go near her and I swear to the Gods I will tear you apart!"

(SA) "I just want to see my grand daughter Deomo... that's all. *wicked grin* She would make a great Ancestor when she is of age."

*PAIN, severe pain along the bond*

I felt a white hot flash run through me taking the breath out of my chest, dropping me to my knees. The pain was so severe. I didn't know exactly where it was coming from... I looked up at the monster in front of me, a very knowing and evil grin had spread across his face..... MEELA!!! I felt the feral rise... rise to a peak I had not known before, I saw red. My blood I could feel boiling inside my body. From deep within a could hear a growl rumbling rising to a roar... ragging and screaming....

(D) "I'LL KILL YOU!!!!!!"

(SA) "That's right Deomo... let it out... let the feral consume you, use it..... now we shall see what you are made of... now you are ready to join us."

I let out a savage, wild primordial scream as I charged him. I was lost. Feral and blood lust... I could not control the rage, I was lost.... and now in even more danger of being turned.

A Fathers Soul for a Daughters life pt. 6

2005-03-15T16:00:00.000-08:00

Suddenly an intense rush of new images flooded my mind.
A young boy, wild.... feral, extremely feral.... in restraints, howling and screaming.... an injection. The child calms and eventually becomes sedate.

The clan elders.... My father... Talking. A dark hooded figure approaches my father.... He is... weeping.... He nods and bows his head. The hooded figure reaches for my father, placing a hand on his head.... A scream... He falls to his knees.

The hooded figure leaves a pendant on the ground near my father.
(HF) "Welcome..... Brother"

The clan elders leave with the hooded figure.... MY father stands with the pendant.... He is changed..... no longer my father....

(F) "Deomo my son, you must promise me..... NEVER take this off."

(D) "*Semi conscious* "I promise.... Father."

He falls to his knees one last time, his transformation almost complete... He screams again. Slowly he stands.... skin white... tattoo burning its way into his skin, spreading.... Blood covering his face from the horns being reshaped.... He reaches for the child... reaches for me.... places a hand over the pendant and my heart.... He chants in the long forgotten Zabrak tongue.... A look of pain on his face as the chant and his transformation end. The images fade.....

The Shadow Ancestor, standing some distance away... looking on. At some point I had fallen to my hands and knees....

(D) "Why?......"

A Fathers Soul for a Daughters life pt. 5

2005-03-12T14:17:00.000-08:00

Minutes passed like hours, hours like days, as our dance of fate continued. Both of us countering the others moves without so much as a hint of hesitation. He was good.... damn good and I couldn't get a good offensive going... we were in a stale mate. I was amazed at his poise, how he handled his pike as though it were just an extension of his body. I suppose I looked the same but to see another do what I do is utterly amazing. His eyes never left mine, the menacing glare of those red rimmed yellow eyes, seemed to pier right into my soul... It was almost unnerving. Then without warning.... He stopped. Jumped back a few feet to be just out of reach and stopped. He stood there with this smirk on his face. He lowered his pike.... what was he doing?

(SA) "Your good.... much better then I had anticipated. I can see why the elders chose you"

(D) "Chose me? Why?"

(SA) "Your feral nature hass attracted much attention in your life.... have you not noticed? All your anger, your hatred, the rage..... you remember how good it felt to give into the feral don't you?"

(D) "That was a long time ago

(SA) "But not so long ago you have forgotten... the freedom, the power, the.... bliss of holding the life of another's in your hands...making you a god"

(D) "NO!!! That's not who I am anymore"

(SA) "Hmhmhmhm But it is..... deep inside you... even now you feel it. Calling to you... wanting release..... and yet you deny your very nature.

(D) "No.... I feel nothing of the feral."

(SA) *Grin* You can lie to me all you want, but you cant lie to yourself. Remember the girl.... what was her name....?"

(D) *Kimbrya*

(SA) "Yes.... that's it.... Kimbrya. Because of you she has passed. Remember the feeling when you saw the life in her eyes fade... her unborn child, *hmhmhm* then her. Splendid work. All the lives you have destroyed. You remember, the man in Moenia.... he begged you to spare the lives of his wife and child... they were not your target, but you sent them to an early grave anyway. Why? I will tell you why.... the feral... You ARE a killer Deomo... a perfect machine for taking lives."

(D) "No! No that's not true.... its not who I am anymore."

(SA) "Deomo, don't be so naive.... You can not deny what you are. There is a reason you take so much pleasure in killing. A reason why you are so good in combat. There is a reason why you have achieved so much....

(D) "I am where im at because I made it happen.... I control my life, not you!!"

(SA) "You really believe that? Then you are a bigger fool then I thought. Every thing you have done has been all a part of a plan to get you ready. To make you ready for us.

(D) "Im the fool!!?? HA!! You couldn't take me as a young boy what makes you think you can do it now?"

(SA) "Because you were to young, and far from ready."

(D) *Smirk* "I guess you don't remember my fathers pendant stopping you then do you?"

(SA) "HAHAHAHAHA!!!! You still think that's what happened? I feel almost sorry for your ignorance."

(D) "I saw the look of pain in your face when you...(SA) That was because I was imprinting apart of myself on the damned thing you moron. We needed you to keep it on so I told you to promise me you would never take it off."

(D) "You told me?!!.... No... my.... my father told me...... Who are you?"

(SA) *Wicked grin*..... "Call me dad"

A Fathers Soul for a Daughters life pt. 4

2005-03-12T13:17:00.000-08:00

*Ting tang whoosh.... Tang tang ting*

Sparks flashed off our pikes as we meet head on, illuminating the semi darkness surrounding us, forcing the shadows to retreat. We spun and struck, thrusted and parried, dodged and blocked, near miss after near miss.. in perfect unison. If someone were to witness they wouldn't know if this was a fight or a well choreographed dance. Minutes went by and neither of us had so much as scratched the other. Then we both went down.... as one we did a leg sweep combo that landed.. I quickly rolled out and away from him instinctively... he did the same. I rolled up to a one knee defensive posture facing the Shadow Ancestor.... he stared back at me in a mirror image, as though he were mimicking my every move.

(SA) "Not bad... thiss is going to be fun"
(D) "Save your breath"
(SA) "I can do thiss.... allll day"
(D) *Grin* "so can I"
(SA) *Smirk* "Can you?"
(D) "Try me"
(SA) "Hmhmhm.... I will"

We leapt at each other again
*Ting whoosh ting ting tang.....*

A Fathers Soul for a Daughters life pt. 3

2005-03-12T10:11:00.000-08:00

I ran up to the window again, just in time to see my father slain.... to see the blood spray across the face of a young boy... me, but this time I was ready as I watched the replay of that terrible night, the cold icy hand of the Shadow Ancestor reaching for the boy.....
I tapped on the window.
*FLASH*

The house disappeared, everything vanished, everything except.....
Black robe, a hood up hiding the face... all that can be seen are the glowing yellow eyes narrowed down to thin horizontal slits. The icy haggard voice that has plagued my thoughts and dreams, echoing in my head day in and day out.... spoke.

(SA) "Ssso..... here we are..... jusst you.... and me"
(D) "You know why I've come then"
(SA) "Oh yess.... I know why.... I give you one last chance to join with usss of your own free will"
(D) "Never"
(SA) "As you wish.... *sigh* You leave me with no choice.... letsss see if you can out last your father hmhmhmhm"
(D) *Growl* I will make you eat those words before I finish you"
(SA) *Evil grin* "Why wait?"

With that he threw off his robe to reveal himself to me. We were about the same size and weight. I could see his eyes clearly now, a fiery ring of red encircled the glowing amber eyes. His skin the color of milk, a ghastly white....His horns revealed the same as my own.. Well they look the same as what they have changed into on me anyway. His lips curled back in a menacing grin revealing ivory teeth, sharp as needle points. His tattoo was like none I had ever seen before... It didn't just cover his face, but his entire head, neck, and across his shoulders. It was a deep crimson red.. the color of blood. Gods!!! This creature before me could not have been born, no, it had to be created, manifested if you will.... how could it have ever been a living breathing Zabrak?

We stood there for what felt like an eternity, eyeing each other, sizing each other up.... circling, studying the others movements... waiting for the opening... waiting to strike.

(SA) "lets dance"
(SA)(D) "RRRRAAAAAAA!!!!!!"

A Fathers Soul for a Daughters life pt. 2

2005-03-12T09:13:00.000-08:00

My slow drift through the astral plain quickened. I was now moving at an un godly speed in the direction of my enemy. As I got closer, the air around me began to grow cold and dense. A dark shroud loomed in front of me swallowing everything in view. Flashes of memory passed before me, my mother singing to my baby sister, my father teaching me simple traps for hunting, kisses good night and warm hugs.... my mother weeping holding me close to her, my father making me promise to never remove the pendant, blood spraying across my face, a bone chilling scream of pain and agony.....

Everything began to spin and mix together, if there was an up in the astral plain I didn't know which way it was. My heart began to race, my palms became cold and clammy.... I needed to get out of this area fast, but I couldn't move. Panic set in, a sudden rush of despair took hold, the darkness before me, now engulfed me, pulling me into it deeper. Gods what was I thinking? I cant do this.

The air continued to grow heavy and cold. I felt an icy grip take hold of my lungs as I struggled to breath. This was suicide!! A Shadow Ancestor!!??.... No way!!, only a fool would try and take one of them on alone. I needed to go, get out while I still had the chance, think of some other way. I cant fight this thing, im not strong enough for this.

I had lost all hope so it seemed. Fear would be an understatement to what I was feeling. I would have been grateful to just have fear. This... this feeling was absolute terror to say the least. Fear would have been called joy in this case. I HAVE TO GET OUT!!!

*DEOMO*

"Father?!! Father help me please! I cant do this! I cant, I cant, I cant!"

*You must Deomo, you can... you are my son*

"NO! NO! I cant! How can I defeat this thing when you couldn't?"

*Meela... remember Meela*

"Remember?... How can I think of her at a time like this? Father help me please"

*If you cant remember why you are here... then there is no hope, and all is lost*

"But father...."

*Meela*

"Meela..."

*meela....*

"Mee...."
"MEEEEEEELLLLLAAAAAAA!!!!!!!"

Energy shot through me and burst forth like a volcanic eruption. The darkness broke and cowered away, the air became breathable again. The cold grip fled as though it were shot out of a cannon..... Everything was becoming clear again... I quickly remembered to center and ground again and forced this indescribable terror out of me.

I found myself on what appeared to be a yard in front of a house. Deja vu. I know this place, I know it well.... I was home and I knew what was going to take place inside in the moments to follow.... I have found my enemy.

A Fathers Soul for a Daughters life pt.1

2005-03-10T08:39:00.000-08:00

Everything felt so surreal, nothing was concrete but yet I could feel everything. The sensation of utter freedom, no restraints what so ever. As I drifted along I could feel a warmth of a presence all around me. There was another presence, warm as well but not as dominate as the first. I could feel the firsts energy pulsing with love and excitement at my being there.... Meela?.... Oh my little angel how I love you. Na muirnin... do not worry, you will be safe.

Her energy flowed to me like a river opening up to a vast ocean, and surrounded me, holding me as I have held her so many times before. Love filled my heart. Very gently I asked her to go to mommy, (the other presence I sensed) and stay with her. I could tell she was reluctant but she seamed to understand and slowly released her hold on me and pulled back to her mothers warm embrace. I waited in my drift to be sure she was safe behind the walls and barriers, safely tucked away in her mothers arms. I then put up my own walls between us... I could still feel her, and she could feel me, but we could not interact. As long as I know she is there, can feel her there, I have something to hold onto.. to come back to. *I love you*

It was time.... Now there was no turning back. I closed my eyes and manifested my fathers pike into my hands. I could feel its power vibrating strongly, coursing and surging through me. I opened my eyes and looked around, trying to feel out the direction of my enemy.

There.... that is where I needed to go.... that is where the spirit of the Shadow Ancestor awaits..... the battle ground has been set, and when the dust settles, only one of us will remain in existence.
*Father be with me*

March 7

2005-03-07T06:28:00.000-08:00

I could feel that time was running out in more then one way. I knew the operation to have Meela removed from Scarlet needed to happen soon, unfortunately I couldn't be to concerned with this ordeal. I was running out of time as well, if I so much as thought a minute to long on anything other then keeping the pendant in check it would rare its ugly head and try to force its take over on me again. Yes I am very concerned with what will happen to my daughter, and im worried if Scarlet will survive... but they are both Zabrak, I know they will be fine.

I needed to speak to Maxell about a few things, mostly about what should become of me should I lose my soul to the Shadow ancestor. I don't quite remember going into the Theed cantina or ordering my personal guard RK-1 to shoot me in the head if I some how seemed totally different. Hehe... he didn't like that order to much but agreed none the less...*good Imperial soldier he is* I commed Max from one of the side rooms and asked him to meet me so we could talk. He agreed and shortly after arrived.... at least I think. As I have said anything less then almost total concentration on the pendant could cause a major problem... so I tend to zone out from time to time... using the methods Scarlet has taught me with center and grounding, I focus so intensely on it that... well I forget to remain aware of my surroundings.

Maxell tapped me on the shoulder, not so much startling me but making me jump somewhat, I didn't want to waist time in the formalities so I got right to the point. I told him I was on a thin time line... That changes are more then present, *I removed my helm to reveal what I was talking about, my skin almost white, my horns changed, the look of an old man, tired and worn* I guess I looked worse then I thought... his expression (and RK-1's for that matter) was that of shock... with just a hint of repulsion.

I didn't want to linger on this to long, I had other matters to discuss with him. I briefly asked about Scarlet, he told me she was not to well and the operation was to take place tonight. She was alive and so was my daughter, that's all I needed to hear. I changed the subject slightly to my own problem.. As I mentioned before I had little time to waist, I wanted to get to the main reason I asked him here. I needed to be sure he understood, for myself. I wanted him to organize a group to be on stand by in case I should fail... I wanted him to kill me.

We discussed this for a while and then parted ways... I had a few more things I needed to take care of before tonight.

Hours later Maxell commed me to tell me I was needed now... the operation was to take place. He is not a patient man at all... some warning before hand would have been nice, I was not on Dant and had to travel to get there, he tagged me again asking if I was coming... "Im trying damn it hold on!!!"
The group assembled Narheen, Avios, Maxell, Scarlet, myself and Meela, we were ready to begin... everyone seemed annoyed at my late arrival... get off my back, maybe letting me know in advance when this was going to take place would have helped.. but I didn't expect the hot head to think about that. I spent the majority of my time trying to calm Meela from the sudden intrusions and the new...*sigh*... new home she would stay in. She was so small... I wanted so badly to hold her.
Once the procedure was over I had to go. I reminded Max of our talk.. said good bye to Scarlet... and left to face fate head on.

I returned to my home, set my data pad to auto send emails I had prepared earlier. All I had left to do was decide which mediation room I wanted to duel in. Choosing the warriors room... I began my meditation, center and grounding, thought of the training I learned from Scarlet. I took off my gloves and touched the pendant and reached as deep as I could and waited.....

*FLASH*

Feb 28

2005-02-28T19:34:00.000-08:00

Help can come in many forms and from any direction. Also from the last person you would expect it to come from. Thanks to the efforts of one Ebe Lightcloud, I am now safely back on Naboo.

When she found me on Endor... I wasn't to coherent. So a lot of what happened is lost in the fog. I remember she was gentle and seemed to show and express concern for my well being. Now this is odd to me... I was under the impression she hated me, (as everyone else seems to). I must admit I have never fully trusted her, not since that day on Lok. Not to mention the fact that her and I would frequently run into each other in passing... just seemed to, convenient, that we would be in the same place at the same time. We have never spoken much, and other then her abilities as a ranger and her relationship with Maxell... I know very little about her.
So here I am being rescued by this woman, being nursed back to health, enough to move under my own power. I am forced to trust her and allow her to help me, trust this individual that I have had reason to believe wanted me dead. After what I had gone through with the pendant most recently I am very close to death, if she changes her mind I would be in no way shape or form to defend myself.

fortunately attacking me was not her intention, and she managed to get me back to her sorosub safely. Interestingly enough she has the main lounge of her ship set up for entertainment... much like a cantina. We made small talk for a few min and then landed on Naboo at Theed. Once on the ground I thanked her again and made my way to the medical center. I still had wounds to tend to and my head was buzzing from the headache that never seems to go away. Once inside and settled into the medical center I realized just how long I have been out. I closed my eyes and reached to my daughter... she was sleeping. *sigh* I guess I will do the same.

Feb 24

2005-02-24T18:07:00.000-08:00

Ewoks....

Strange I don't remember going to Endor. My head is pounding, and I have dried blood all over my face. Did I go after the Ewoks for some reason?....
NO, they would have me tied up if that was the case. Im not sure what took place, but they seem to be trying to take care of me, did I save them from something? No that doesn't really sound like me ether. I wish I new what happened.

!!!!!

Where is my datapad? ???? For that matter where is all of my gear? My fathers pike is against a wall in the room with me... so, the Ewoks didn't take it from me or they would have taken that as well. This isn't good.

I have no clue where im at, no clue how I got here, and no clue why im covered in blood. I remember Scarlet and I were going to finish my training, we were..... at my new house on Naboo, were were going to head out to the temple to work on astral planning or something like that... so I can go into the spirit world and fight this karking pendant spirit.

We had been training together for some time, I have been learning meditation (center, ground), and sensing energy. It doesn't sound like much but it is rather taxing, and can leave you exhausted.

And now im here. Did the.... did the pendant gain control? Gods Meela!!!
*reaches for his daughter*
*relief*
She is ok and safe, she sleeps. I need to find out where im at and get out of here. But I still feel a little shaky,..... maybe I should just rest here for now. The Ewoks are nursing me back to health.... I will not forget this. (I hope)

Feb 5

2005-02-06T06:33:00.000-08:00

When I woke in the blue room Scarlet was with me. I didn't expect her to be there, she needed to be in bed resting not sitting up with me. We sat for a while in the blue room and talked, and both of us wondered how exactly my fathers pike wound up in my hands. She looked at and was instantly impressed. It is a powerful pike.... with this i can do anything. We sat and nibbled on the plate of food that was left behind.

She wanted to check out the temple some and i didn't see any harm in it so we got up and explored... looking at all the changes and the security cameras. She may have dine a bit to much walking around and started to cramp up some.... To much, to much for one day, I had to carry her the rest of the way up the stairs. I wasn't sure where to go from there so i took her into the area where the shrine to her twin daughters was set up... im not sure why but i thought it was the best place to go.

We just sat for some time talking about the past few days, the things she missed. I was sorry i couldn't be any more help to her a lot of things began to run together with me and i wasn't sure of what took place, but i guess that happens after i'm guessing 4 days of staying up with someone. I would do it again and longer if i had to. *anything for her*

She started to yawn *smile* she was tired, and she would try to hide her yawns. I pulled her into my lap so she could curl up and sleep. I hummed softly to her, and whispered good night to my little Meela. *i love you*

Dream/Vision

2005-02-04T19:33:00.000-08:00

*Still blacked out*
It knows... some how it knows I have a daughter... and it is scared...... it is sensing its hold over me slipping away, the pendant.... the spirit within, sent wave after wave of attacks on me. Trying to force its way through, to force its take over. It took everything I had within me to maintain balance and focus... I had to keep it from controlling me... Gods its gotten stronger, the whole time its just been saving its strength and waiting while I have been mentally battling the few times it has tried to test me. I need to figure something out and fast, I don't think I have the strength to go through another attack like that again. Especially after the past few days
*Dream, or vision?*

Deomo.....

Deomo, get up....

Get up now.....

Father?....

Yes my son

Father!!

Deomo you must listen to me..... You have only one chance to defeat the spirit of the Shadow Ancestor.....

How? What do I have to do?

You must learn to force yourself into a trance like state of mind and being. You must meet the spirit on his own grounds... bring the fight to him.... there is no other way. You must spiritually fight the Shadow Ancester.

Father I haven't the strength....

YOU MUST DEOMO!!!
For yourself.... for your daughter.... for my grand daughter. You must

And for Scarlet...

*smile* My son..... Scarlet is no longer your charge..... you feel it deep within you... the bond is changing... shifting to you daughter. You and Scarlet will always be connected through her.... but you will no longer be taishan, once this fight is over. To keep your daughter safe and from following the path you once led you must defeat the Shadow Ancester in a spiritual fight.

Deomo... where I failed in protecting you.... You will succeed. Do not forget her, she will be your light.

*hands Deomo a pike*

Take this... it is my old pike... it will help you. My son be strong, you have much to learn and little time to learn it in. You must learn to meditate and shift your mind and spirit. Scarlet can help you with this, but you do not have much time.... the spirit within has not grown to full power yet, now that it can sense your daughter it will not hesitate to take over at the first sign of weakness.

*nod*

I have given you all the help I can. Now you must learn for yourself. Good luck.

My son............. I love you.....

*waking*

ugghhh......
I woke with a throbbing heasdache, pangs of hunger, and a very dry throat. Im.... in the blue room? The temple? How the kark?..... my mind was still fuzzy, I didn't even want to ask how i got there, not yet. Wow what a..... dream?
In my hands was an LVA (long vibro ax) it was not mine, how did.... it was, it is, my fathers Pike. It felt good in my hands, powerful, indestructible... but how did I?
Thank you father. I love you as well.

**My darling daughter this will all be over soon. Do not be afraid, what i will do in a few days is for you. I love you, remember that... can you be brave for me? Remember daddy will always be here for you. I will always be here for you my angel my little Meela**

Feb 3

2005-02-03T16:34:00.000-08:00

Im tired..... Exhausted......
The next couple of events are sort of a blur. Im not sure if this was some sort of hallucination or if it really happened. Some stupid pilot came in to the room where Scarlet and i were telling me i had to go with him aboard some ship... that i had to take Scarlet with me and follow him to the ship. For what? Narheen told me it would be best to take her, the facilities are better suited to handle her situation. It would also seam i had orders to do just such a thing.... why? I agreed and took Scarlet in my arms and carried her to the ship.
*im so tired*
To some surprise Maxell and Elca were there.... I didn't question why, my only concern was Scarlet and my daughter.. Meela. I took her to the medical room in the lower deck and stayed with her until she woke. Maxell wanted to speak with me so I left her with Elca.
I was in so much of a daze i didn't really pay much attention to the conversation between Dr. Narheen and Maxell. Only when my little Meela was mentioned did I say anything. If I heard correctly the plan is to take Meela at birth (or sooner) and put her in some sort of training facility for cloning to make elite worriers such as myself. NO!!! I wont let the Empire have her I wont let them turn her into me into what i was. I don't want her to have the nightmares I have. I will fight the whole empire before i let them lay one hand on my daughter....
*PULSE*
things went blurry for a while I don't remember what happened then I just remember leaving the room Scarlet was in and telling Maxell he had better be damn sure he knows what he is doing....*PULSE* then a blank spot.
*DEEEEOOOOOMMMMMMMOOOOOOOO*
*COME TO USSSSS DEEEEEEOOOOOMMMMMMMOOOOOOO*
I remember shouting no and feeling my daughter reach along our bond to me......
*I love you so much Meela*
*PULSE**THUMP**THU....*
THUMP (my head bouncing off the glass of one of the lounge area windows)
*BLACKOUT*

??? ?

2005-02-02T16:23:00.000-08:00

One day runs in to the next....
What day is it?... What time....

*pulse*

!!!!!!!!!!!

Scarlet?...

*sigh*

Still sleeping.... Good...

Those damn doctors keep coming in and drugging her. *grrr* I need to get her out of here at least for a little while to get some fresh air, see the sun for a little bit.

A new Doc came in, a Dr.Narheen, Zabrak female.... and Imperial. She introduced herself, then looked over Scarlet for a few min, asked me a few questions. Something about a drug and some kind of sample... I had no clue what she was talking about. Not much longer after that she had me assist her in undressing Scarlet to give her a sponge bath.
*SHOCK*
scar's... from a whip all across her back, her wrists scarred from being kept in tight restraints..... what happened to you Scarlet? Where did this come from? Who did this you?..... Why hadn't i noticed these before... the night aboard her ship when we.... Gods... If I find those responsible I swear upon all that is sacred I will make them pay most dearly for what they have done to you. That wasn't all. According to the Doc she had been severely raped, and carrying our daughter to term may be impossible. I felt a flash of anger and then.... I saw her. I saw my little angel, and everything calmed... i was overcome with instant peace and love at the sight of my little girl. I stared at the video screen the doctor had been looking at for what seamed an eternity. Narheens voice broke the silence asking me if i had thought of boy and girl names. I told her its a girl and that i have. Meela... I have not told Scarlet the name... but I am sure she will love it. I asked the Doc about the sedations and if they could be decreased, just so she could have some awake time. Narheen agreed and shortly after left. I was alone with Scarlet again... with her and my daughter, my beautiful, beautiful daughter.

Jan 27

2005-01-27T20:08:00.000-08:00

I have decided to run a few.... "tests" I need to know what i'm dealing with in this pendant, try and find a weakness in it some how to defeat it. Its becoming increasingly harder to maintain control. If im going to beat this thing, then I need to know what im dealing with in some way. I'm going to allow it some control over me to find out what it wants. It speaks to me all the time but only when it has a hold of me can i understand it.... its always a constant whisper. I have informed Scarlet and Maxell of this and i pray to all the Gods that Scarlet doesn't freak out to much for the sake of our daughter. I have a reason now, a very good reason, something of my own to hold onto.... something that will be the driving force in keeping me from giving in and allowing the pendant to take over me, changing me into a Shadow Ancester. My daughter, she is all I have, and i truly believe all I need.
**I love you my little angel, I will always be here for you... always**

Jan 24..... New Responsibility

2005-01-25T17:05:00.000-08:00

*pulse*
I rushed to Theed.... pushing my TIE and swoop to there limits. I reached the med center to find Max and Scarlet. I could tell by the look on here face she was in a lot of pain. Max looked worried and hurt.... what happened?

Maxell left her with me so we could talk... I don't care about talk at this point I wanted to know what was wrong with her. I knelt before her and reached through the bond to the child. She was scared, I didn't know what to do, so I began to hum to her trying to bring her some peace and calm. After a while she relaxed and settled. I took Scarlets hands in mine, looked into her eyes and asked her what the problem was. She told me of severe twinges, pain... I could see it in her eyes. She paused, and told me she had genetic and DNA testing done the day before. The results were back identifying who the father was....
"Deomo... she is yours"
*shock*

Her words resonated in my head "she is yours, she is yours, she is yours,..... she is mine" I stammered. I didn't know what to say or do. I was overcome with joy but I couldn't move. I stood there in disbelief... I'm a.... Father. I asked her if this was good... if we were happy.... (that I was the father) I don't think she caught the meaning behind my question, however she did say yes.

A doctor came by to run some tests. *pulse* I may have been a little over concerned, I told him to come back with good news or he would need a doc himself. I sat with Scarlet while we waited for him to come back. I spoke to my daughter (my daughter wow) through our bond. I told her I would always be here for her, I would always protect her, I would always love her. Scarlet asked me if I thought of a name for r her.... NAME!!?? Scarlet my love please one step at a time, I just found out im her father. But not to worry, her name will be as beautiful as she is.

The doc came back with a not so settling look on his face. He told us she was in need of some serious down time. Proper nutrition and rest, lots and lots of rest. That's it? Hell that's easy.... well sorta, this is Scarlet we are talking about... she is such a micromanager. Well she is supposed to be spending time with Max so he is going to have to watch her. I was just about to comm him when he came in wanting to know what the doc said. I took him to the next room and told him what the doc told us, and that it was going to be on him to make sure she rested during there time together. I could tell he had some discontent with me... I expected as much but I was to thrilled with the news of being a father I barely noticed.

He left and I got permission from the doc to take Scarlet out of the med center. I led her to a grassy area behind the starport. I wanted to let her know, to tell her exactly what my intentions were. That what I told her the night before I meant. Anytime, anyplace, anywhere, ANYTHING. I will be there. I love her. I love my daughter.
*sigh*

One thing.... I need to change. I know Scarlet and Max share a bond as well, so keeping my daughter away from him will be practically impossible. Ok... so... I don't want him raising her in anyway, I cant keep them from meeting but I can insist that she not listen to him... he is not her father therefore will not be a teacher, mentor or disciplinary. A friend /shrug I suppose that is fine, but nothing more then that. i will need to speak with him about this. Its nothing personal, and I would expect the same from him, but she is my responsibility, mine and Scarlets. I would not interfere of the situation were reversed, I would hope he will do the same.

Jan 24

2005-01-25T16:41:00.000-08:00

Back to the old grind. As soon as I walked into Cauil's office he handed me orders to track down a rebel jedi. He wanted me to get a squad together ad track him down.... befor I gave up being a bounty hunter. i still have much respect for him as a commander... but, things are different between us. He didn't ask me how my leave was or how I had been.... just looked at me.
"Deomo. Orders have come down for you to track down a known rebel jedi. Plug. Your target is to be apprehended and brought in, dead or alive. Knowing you, I will have a coroner on stand by. Do you understand your orders?"
/node "Yes sir." *pulse*
"Very well... Dismissed."

So i gathered up Boscuia, Damien, Lao, Szen, and Taconius. After some searching we located him in Theed. He was with other known rebel jedi.... The mission was not going to end well, but orders are orders and we had to try.
As i thought, we were defeated. The doc with us rezed us as we went down... 4 jedi knights, we lasted longer then I had expected. *pulse*

We headed back to Emperium, I would report to Cauil that the mission was a failure, we would lick our wounds and I would disband the squad to do as they wished. *headache* I kept Lao and Szen with me. Szen was in need of training and I wanted to finish training Master Pikeman. So the three of us headed out to the squill caves to hunt... my old hunting grounds, and about the only reason why I go to Tatooine. The hunting was good. I managed to complete my training in Pikeman and am now a master of the deadly profession. As I was finishing up I received a holo mail from Max requesting my presence at the Theed medical center. Scarlet was having complications.... *pulse* *thump*
Oh gods... the child!!

To Kimbrya

2005-01-23T16:31:00.000-08:00

Are you looking down on me right now
I feel your presence beam down
Watching you get ill it changed our lives
Your hand went limp and we cried
I didn't realize you had to go
emotionless overflow
I wish I had a chance to tell you
I'm so sorry....

I know that you are in a better place
Somewhere that you can escape
I'm looking for a sign from up above
That you still care and have love
I was really blind and didn't know
The pain took over soul
I wish I had a chance to tell you
I'm so sorry....

Do you hear me
Praying to you
I'm thinking of you
Where can I find you,
Where can I see you,
Where can I tell you i'm sorry for all I have done?

Jan 23

2005-01-23T15:27:00.000-08:00

My last night of leave....
*sigh*
I had intentions of hunting the squill caves again. I had gone out to Omen to buff and get things in order before I was to head out *headache* unfortunately I wound up on the wrong side of Naboo and far away from Omen.... I wasn't sure what city I was in.... I don't think I have ever been here before. I have been spending so much time focusing on keeping the pendant in check I must have jumped on the wrong shuttle..... Kark!!
*sigh*

now back on track and out at Omen.... I could sense a slight struggle with Scarlet... nothing to be alarmed about, but out of curiosity I asked her if everything was ok. She told me her vibroknuclers had broken, but she was fine. I remembered I had one at my house that I wasn't using, I told her I would get it for her.

We meet on Endor, she wanted to hunt.... oh well the squills aren't going anywhere, this is likely the last good night I will be able to spend with her. *headache* This damn headache wont go away.... She offered a quick technique to ease the pain... why not, I will try anything once,... and what do you know.. it worked!! Well the headache didn't go away completely but it did ease the pain quite a bit. *thank you*

I told her we would hunt what ever and where ever she wanted. This seamed to please her. We went to a cave of Jinda tribesmen. Easy pray... unfortunately short on supply. I think she got board with it and I wasn't going to push her tonight... tonight was just for fun.. and I wanted to just be with her...
*pulse*

We headed out to the starport on foot hunting along the way. She wanted to go back to Naboo... not much to hunt out there but, /shrug what ever.... turns out she didn't want to hunt.. she wanted to camp, so, we camped and talked. She would have occasional twinges of pain... severe. I could tell it was the pregnancy, so I closed my eyes and felt along the bond to attempt soothing the unborn child (risking attachment) It seamed to work... I guess im good at humming. Scarlet asked me a few questions, some of her "what if's". What I would do if it... she were Maxell's child. I told her I would stand aside, that I would then just become her trainer and protector, and wouldn't allow any affection to intervene, essentially putting up my walls again.
*pulse*
then she asked me... if she were mine, the baby. I hadn't thought about it much... mostly to not get my hopes up, but in the case that she were mine.... I would.... I would devote my life to her. Cherish and protect her. She would never want for anything and I would put her first, before anything and anyone else. I think I would love her more then I love Scarlet *pulse* I know I would. When her twinges would come back I would hum to scarlet but directing the fellings of calm to the child, and cradling it with my heart.

After a while Scarlet asked for some alone time to think on some things. I embraced her, kissed her, told her if she needed anything.... and I left.

I report back to duty in the morning. *grumble* Im glad I got this time alone with Scarlet.... no telling when I will have the opportunity again.
*sigh*
*pulse*

Jan 22

2005-01-22T13:32:00.000-08:00

I have been struggling to keep my focus and not allow the spirit within the pendant to take over again. Everyday I can feel it pulling at me, taunting me to give into it. Sometimes the temptation seems to much and I want to just give in. I think why not? Go back to the simple life, nothing to worry about, no one to care about except myself. The way it used to be. But I don't miss those days.... much. Yes just following orders and executing them as only an elite professional can do is thrilling... but I have found something more then that..... Love. Which is something more why I sometimes think of just giving in to the spirit. Scarlet has many struggles of her own.... I love her.... I don't want to be another cause for her pain. I know she worries for me.... I know she loves me... but she needs to be with her true taishan.... she needs to be with Maxell. He loves her as much as I do, she loves him the same, she however doesn't have that same love for me.... she says she answers need. She comes to me to help with some of my struggles... but she really doesn't answer my need. My need for her to love me the way she does Maxell. I understand I am asking the impossible... I know this will never happen. So it gives me another reason to give into the spirit... to possibly end our bond... safely.

No..... I have never given in, or given up on anything before, I wont let this bet me. If for no other reason then personal satisfaction. I wont become my fathers killer. Not again not ever. *its just so hard*

Maxell....
we spoke last night, in person. He told me his fight with me is over. I guess that's a good thing. Im still not sure if I can fully trust him yet, a man doesn't just stop hating someone out of the blue, so you must forgive me if my suspicions and the inborn sense of caution jumped. I could still see that look of hatred in his eyes... not as dominant as it had been but it still lingered. He did how ever show a sign of good faith by giving me 2 very impressive Night Sister lances. They will come in handy I am sure. It seams I have been handed the full responsibility of making sure Scarlet completes her training in unarmed combat, these lances he gave me will do well in helping protect her as she trains. So Maxell and I appear to be at an official truce. I wonder if it will last. With this pendant.... I don't know. He got to see a very small example of what I go through... yes he has experienced it some through the bond with Scarlet... but he has never witnessed it first hand. Last night I could sense a wave of fear erupt in him. He quickly put on his helmet and pulled out his pistol, run up by his bike and waited.... waited to see what would happen. He saw the strain in my face, the pain in my body as the spirit tried to force its way out again.... but I held. When it passed, we spoke a little longer then parted ways, parted... with a hand shake. Time will tell... only time.... if this agreement and truce will last.

Jan 21

2005-01-21T15:33:00.000-08:00

Dark.... dark place... cold,

*pulse* *thump* *thump*

I smell blood.

*pulse* *thump* *thump*

I recognize this place.. its my old house.

*pulse* *thump* *thump*

I come to the window in time to see my father struck down by the Shadow Ancestor

*pulse* *thump* *thump*

A boy standing at the end of the stairs.... its me

*pulse* *thump* *thump*

It turns to the boy and reaches

*pulse* *thump* *thump*

The boy faints

*pulse* *thump* *thump*

A spark.... blinding flash, the pendant around his neck

*pulse* *thump* *thump*

I can see the Shadow Ancestors lips curl back in a menacing sneer... he places one hand on the boys head and the other on top of the pendant and.... chants something

*pulse* *thump* *thump*

An erie glow from within, blood red. He stands

*pulse* *thump* *thump*

"Some day... when the time is right young one... when all is in place... you will become us."

*pulse* *thump* *thump*

Then it turns to leave... and stops.

*pulse* *thump* *thump*

It spins around to look at the window I am looking through

*pulse* *thump* *thump*

"You cant fight us for ever Deomo. You know you cant count on that bitch to pull you out of our grasp. Just give in to us Deomo.... give in and join us... become us. You wont have to live with knowing she doesn't love you as much as she does the other. You wont have to be pained by knowing you will ALWAYS be second. Give in Deomo.. come to us"

*pulse* *thump* *thump*

*awake*

AAAAHHHH!!!!

I reach for my chest... the pendant throbbing and pulsing, burning.
It was just a dream... or nightmare rather. But it was so real. But it was just a dream... How did he? His words... Scarlet.
He is right... I cant fight him forever, and.... and Scarlet isn't enough to keep me grounded. I need to find a way... or.... should I just give in? It hurts so much knowing I will never be loved by Scarlet the way I love her. I have nothing.

Jan 20

2005-01-21T06:40:00.000-08:00

It has come to my attention that the young girl Kimbrya has passed....

I could not be happier to hear this news.

She will be safe now and free. No longer in danger of people like......
like me. It is my fault she has died, true there were complications with the cloning but would not have been so had I not held off the clone bots that came for her.

*I am sorry*

I did my duty.... and.... I think I hate myself for it. So many people have died because of me. Kimbrya.... she did not deserve the treatment, the pain and suffering, *the loss of her unborn child* I caused her.

*I am sorry*

Some may ask how I can live with myself knowing the things I have done are so terrible.....
Its not easy.... when I do sleep my dreams are haunted with nightmares. Kimbrays sweet face will now be an addition to that other reality.

*I am so sorry*

For the first time my heart hurts for the passing of someone that has died under my hand. It is my fault.... Kimbrya please.... rest in peace.

*Can you... forgive me?*
*tear*

Jan 19

2005-01-20T06:19:00.000-08:00

So it would seam my pendant is possessed some how and is trying to take over me..... how and why? The night my father gave it to me *father* he was murdered by the shadow ancestor.... and the very same one touched my pendant, some how possessing it with its cold spirit. Why didn't it just kill me? What does it know about me to have kept me alive that night? Yeah I know just take it off and get rid of the pendant right? Its not that simple..... I tried that, the instant the chain left my neck everything started going black, I couldn't breath and my heart felt as if it had stopped dead in my chest..... it seams to have bound itself to my soul.

Last night,.... I remember leaving my house on Talus... I was going to do some solo hunting.... I had a doctor friend of mine buff me in Theed,.... I went into the star port and...... thats it, that's all I remember. Well its all I remember that didn't feel like a really bad dream anyway..... bits and pieces flash in and out here and there but the pictures are all messed up and out of order. Scarlet.... Scarlet joined me at some point. We hunted together... I think, all I remember really is the flash of my pike spinning around my head as it struck the creatures I hunted, and seeing her attack with kicks and punches much in the same way as the ancient Teras Kasi artist do. Words.... her words I can hear... distant and far off. Hard to understand, my mind is so clouded. Then all goes black again, and now we are in a camp that she set up. The fog in my mind has lifted and everything is rather clear. Im confused.... what happened this time?

We sat for a long time, talking.... talking about a lot of things. We talked a little about Max.... how he hates me and wants me dead.... its no secret, I can see it in his eyes every time we are around each other. I don't care either. I gave up the fight with him a long time ago.... let him be the one burdened with a gruge, I could care less.... (sometimes I wish he would act upon his hatred and kill me) He hates me for following the orders I was given, his words "Do your duty", against my better judgment.... I do, and he hates me even more for it, pfft hypocrite. I still do not like or trust Maxell any further then I can throw him, but outside of his wishing for my death, (which he hasn't the guts to act upon) I hold no ill will toward him. Let him be who he is, and just another drug addict to ignore.

We talked of the child.... Scarlet thinks it will be a girl. Im not sure... but I think it has tried to reach out to me, I have sensed it before and have even directed the tune I hum for Scarlet toward it.... I think.... I think it like's me. Im just worried about developing any kind of emotions for it.... what if its not mine? It is going to be hard enough dealing with that.

Then we came to the pendant.... Scarlet says I fought it.... mentally would not give in, but it was a weak fight. I some how feel that the Shadow Ancestor possessing the pendant has not come to full power, that it has only just awoken. The rites, it all started then..... being made to relive my past must have opened it some how, waking the spirit. Everyday it seams, more and more black outs occur, like they did when I was a young boy..... I wonder if there is a connection some how. What ever the case may be I don't think I have the will to fight it once the spirit has enough power to turn me. I know I have the bond with Scarlet.... but she is split between Maxell and I, and I know she does not love me the way she loves him....... she never will. I have come to terms with that, Our bond is not as strong, the next time.... I don't think it will be enough...... the next time, without.... something, anything.. (I have nothing) I may succumb to the will of the spirit. I have been chosen.... to become a Shadow Ancestor... but I don't want to be the thing that killed my father.... I had to live a long time thinking I was the thing that killed him, now I know I wasn't.... and I do not want to become my fathers killer again.... I don't..... but I don't think I have a choice. (Im scared)

Jan 18

2005-01-19T13:01:00.000-08:00

Wow... *shock*
Scarlet is pregnant. Is this a good thing? No one knows if its mine or Maxell's.
Hmmm I know one thing though.... if the chilled turns out to be mine, Maxell will have no part of it. I will forbid it by every fiber in my being he will not know the child's eyes, I swear it. I may have to share Scarlet with him, but that is my child and I DO NOT have to share that. I wont. I cant kill him, but I will tear out his eyes and cut off his hands before I let him get within 100 meters of it, this I swear.

January 15

2005-01-18T09:28:00.000-08:00

I have neglected my entry's for some time.... I haven't been able to focus long enough to do so. Everything has been so hectic lately. To recap a little... Maxells arrest went well, he did as he said he would and came along quietly. However I wasn't ready to do the interrogation. Cauil was there, he handled the questioning and ordered me to work the equipment operating the chair. At the lower levels it gave me.... some, pleasure to see max squirm, but cauil had me raise the settings for longer periods of time..... Im not sure what has changed but I dint feel right about what I was doing, I didn't want to operate the controls I didn't want to cause.... to cause Max any pain, I really just wanted to pull him out of the chair and tell him to get lost. I don't understand anything anymore. Its as though im seeing things through someone else's eyes, all the things that I enjoyed... prided myself on seemed so barbaric and horrible. I didn't want to be that person anymore, I don't want to be that person anymore.

I faced Aico, under the terms that he leave Scarlet alone forever regardless of who won. He agreed. We meet on LOK, menacing orange eyes that flashed with fire. I could sense he was FS and strong. This was going to be a tough fight. He set the rules to a triple incap/kill, and then... we began. He was fast, extremely fast I barely had time to react to his movements. His expression never changed, not even when I landed a critical hit to him he wouldn't change his expression and just brushed it off. He was good, the battle went on for what seemed hours, he got the first incap on me then I got the next two on him, he then quickly got his second incap on me, we were tied, who ever got the next incap would win the other would be left for dead. Our comm's had been destroyed so the clone bots wouldn't be able to pin point us and get us back to clone in time. I landed the dizzy on him all I had to do was get the FKD and it would be over with 2 cripple shots, again that lightning speed he came in, he was to close for my carbine to be any use and I didn't have time to switch to my pike I had to move away some, that's when he hit me with a dizzy and as I stepped back I fell.... I knew then it was over, my health depleted to much to last the onslaught of his attacks while I lay helpless, dizzy. Then all was dark.

Our city has grown and our numbers have increased... Something to be proud of right? Then why do I stay in the corners out of sight watching the SSS enjoy themselves in our cantina talking of hunts and criminals they had taken down. I don't understand.
I now know I am not the protector I once thought I was of our younger less experienced members... our city underwent a major attack a few days ago, a rebel guild EC stormed our city, we were out numbered, as I fought them tooth and nail I watched our members drop like flies at the hands of EC.... I was helpless, I couldn't save them, I couldn't help them, its as if I have lost my will to fight.... and then I wake up in a cloner... I too was brought down. Again I have been defeated.

I have been having troubles lately this pendant seems to pulse continuously, I have learned to ignore it and now its just background noise to me. But its not just that, sometimes I think I hear things, whispers, I cant quite make them out but its as if someone is in the back of my mind talking to me as quietly as possible. I think to much has gone on over the past few months.... I need to take one of those... what are they called... vacations? I just feel all screwed up inside nothing makes sense anymore. I need to get my head on straight, take a break for a few days or something. How do I put in for a vacation anyway?

Dec 31

2005-01-06T18:56:00.000-08:00

I saw....
I was forced to relive the night I had spent my entire life trying to forget.....
I saw....
My father sending my mother and sister away...
I saw....
The pendant I know wear, his words... *never take this off. Remember. Trust*....
I saw....
My breath frosting as the air grew colder.....
I saw....
My father at the foot of the stairs, pike in hand, unaware of the stranger......
I saw.....
A sudden flash of steal glinting in the moon light.....
I saw....
My fathers body being torn apart......
I saw.....
A horrible creature, leering grin, glowing eyes.....
I saw.....
A cold bloody hand reach for me......
I see no more.....

Scarlet called to me along the bond and pulled me back to reality, to the present. I was disoriented. I couldn't control what was going on with me. I could see myself, as if out of body, ragging. Screaming, yelling, striking the walls, running around the ritual room. I.... I didn't kill my father. What was that man, that thing that killed him? Why didn't he... It kill me?
Something changed in me. I wasn't in control... something spoke through me, harsh words to Scarlet, things I would never say to her. The pendant had changed colors, it now pulsed a glowing red.... what has happened? What has she unleashed? What else happened that night?

Dec 30

2005-01-03T07:40:00.000-08:00

Mark of honor....
compleate.....
To easy...
The hardest part was getting the damn Squall off my arm, the kark bit down and wouldnt let go, even after I blasted him 7 times point blank in the head. I had to pry his mouth off my arm with a stone knife....grrr.. broke my arm in the process. Oh well i have had worse.
I headed back to the temple where, acording to my scanner Kimbrya was the only one inside... still not used to being in the temple and not to familier with her, I waited outside.
I didnt have to waite long.. Kimbrya came out to me, we spoke for a while and she fixed my arm, she is very gentle..most of the docters i know would have just yanked on my arm to reset the bone.
We went inside the temple and waited for the others to show up... we didnt waite long.
Kimbrya took turns asking us how we did with our challenges, as I thought Brem failed in his task. Even I with the combined streangth of the could not have acomplished such a thing in the aloted amount of time, it takes planeing and coordination< and the right blend of professions to. He could have just bought one, but doing that is just as easy as going to the vett and getting one for yourself.
About the time she got around to asking me, Max had shown up, and began to badger me as useual. His percistant hounding, he dosnt know when to stop... i was just about to the point of attacking him, but scarlet steped in between us. (he owes her his life.... if they only knew how close).
She pulled me aside and we talked.... I cant help but open up to her, we talked of my trial, I told her, calmly, how i feelt it an insult. She asked me what a more sutible chalenge would have been...... I told her... I told her she was my greatest chalange.

Dec 28

2005-01-03T06:51:00.000-08:00

The rites began tonight, all of us were to meet at the temple to go over the final details as to what was supposed to take place.
Brem and I were to do the physical/mental challenge while Scar'let was to begin the emotional/spiritual challenge.
At the temple Kimbrya gave her speech and told us there would be plenty of time to walk away. *grin* Apparently she doesn't know Zabrak's as well as she thinks. Once we start something we don't stop.
That being said Brem and I were to meet Maxell on Tatooine to be given our tasks.
Maxell was already there when we arrived, he offered us the chance to back out, again humans know little about us. He gave Brem his task first and one that even I think was ridiculous. He had to go the vette and bring back an AV-21 power cell. HA!! No way, even im not crazy enough to attempt a corvette alone, that's just asking for suicide, hmhmhm good luck kid.
Then Maxell turned to me and began to tell me of my task. I was to do the Mark of Honor. Your joking right? I truly hope the physical portion is something better then this, Squalle's,? Give me a break. Mark of honor? What the hell is that?
What ever, I will do you silly task and be done with. Some challenge.

Dec 26

2004-12-27T05:04:00.000-08:00

Aico.....
You and I have a date with destiny......
I found him just outside the Theed starport, master fencer/master doc. Interesting. He had run off into the starport, I chased after him..... but like a ghost... he vanished.
I decided to go off and hunt.... anything. I took my ship to Coronet, found a good area full of wild Razor cats, and began my slaughter. My pulse racing, muscles burning I had found a good rhythm, just on the edge of the feral when all was interrupted by a sinister laugh....
"Hmhmhmhmhm..... did you get a good look?"
AICO!!
He knows I have seen him, the kark set it up so I would.
Then a change of tone. Lets play a game he says. He asked me to choose who would Die first. Brem, Scar'let, Maxell, or Cauil. My choice wasn't hard, but I told him that there was no need for his assistance in the matter. I can handle it on my own in due time if necessary
*silence*
He then began talking to me of Cauil, telling me he is not the great man I had thought him to be. He is not loyal to the empire... "Why would he run and hide if he was?, why would he rather fight YOU, the man he claims is his friend, rather then come before the Emperor peacefully?"
He brought up may points of view, thing I had never thought of, things that seamed to far fetched to be true....but yet made perfect since.
I hadn't realized the comm silence, I was so lost in thought I hadn't even realized it had started to rain. Everything I thought I knew about Cauil was now being questioned. What now?

Dec 23

2004-12-24T17:17:00.000-08:00

To much for one day. First I requested through Brem I speak to Kimbrya, detesting how I need to ask his permission to do something, but again I don't need him to distrust me if we are to work together. I learned so much and yet so little speaking to her. I meet her and Brem at the library, what is it with this place that draws people to it? I understand little of what she told me, but what I do understand is I don't like what she has told me.... and yet I feel as if there is more, something she has left out, holding back from me. She has mentioned something about a rite of passage, a rather dangerous ritual that could be fatal. I told her to get it set up, that I would do it. I don't think I care so much for the reasons behind it more so the fact of it being dangerous.
Something interesting has brought its attention to me. During my talk with Kimbrya a voice hailed me on my comm. He introduced himself as Aico, and proceeded in telling me that judgment will some day come for me.
Who the hell is he?
"Your crimes have not gone unnoticed, and your fate has been decided."
My fate?
Slowly the more he spoke the angrier I became but I could not show this mood to Kimbrya or Brem, I had to maintain control or I would likely never get the answers to what ever it was I am looking for.
He continued....
Never before has anyone dared speak to me this way.....
Anger could not describe the feeling festering inside me, growing with every word he spoke.
I was almost at the brink of exploding when I noticed Kimbrya waiver. She had become very pail and strained from the efforts to explain to me what she knows. She was exhausted. I reached out to steady her, but my efforts were not needed. Brem had hold of her before I could be of any help. He took her back to the med center to rest. I remained at the library, feeling even more confused then before, and the words of Aico resonating in my head.
Dictate my fate will you? I think not. I will find you first Aico and I will have your head.

Dec 21

2004-12-21T07:37:00.000-08:00

I am awake. I know this because everything has a sharper look to it then in a dream. I am in our newly declared city Emperium. I am proud to be apart of this city, proud to be imperial and proud of being a part of the SSS. Every day we grow stronger, battle hardened and disciplined. The members of my guild have really proven to be among the elite in this galaxy. I am overwhelmed with a feeling of confidence that everyone of them would willingly throw themselves on an exploding droid to protect the Emperor.

Everything seems so different now. Cauil isn't around anymore to influence my moves and I am able to act how I see fit, I feel as though I am on the edge of sanity and complete mayhem, and this fills me with such pleasure knowing that at any moment I could just give over to the dark and the feral, or at the very last second pull out of the spiral leading to death and destruction and back on my feet in complete control. I got my first taste of this last night. Destroying those rebel jedi and making short work of any that tried to stop us was just so indescribable, then suddenly being thrust back into sanity by the calls of one Scar'let Firecat. I wonder if my bond with her has anything to do with how much clearer I sense her? Not to mention the few days training I spent with my old mentor. This I will have to look into with a few...... experiments.

Something else bothers me.... that temple, I sensed a force of some sort but nothing like I had ever felt before. Scar'let told me it was the spirit of the former priestess Fryshka or something like that. I don't know what it was but it sounded like a very low humming toped with a barely audible whisper. At any rate it had me a little on edge now that I think about it. Speaking of the temple, Kimbrya I understand may pull through her currant situation, this I do not know for sure, I almost hope so, since so many changes have taken place in such a short time, I feel a need to speak with her. She has knowledge that can be most useful in understanding these changes I am experiencing. I can only hope that Brem will trust me and allow me to see her.

On other matters, I still have standing orders to bring in both Maxell and Cauil for questioning. They are of rank in the imperial army and should know that if they have nothing to hide then they should come in quietly. I do think my actions with Cauil were a bit hasty, never the less, I acted as he had trained me to act. True by demanding he come before the High Inquisitor the way I did may not have set the right tone, he should have known I would not hesitate to resort to force if necessary. I wonder if Maxell will react the same way? I did not kill Cauil out of my respect for him, Maxell on the other hand has not yet gained my full trust, I doubt I would have the same restraint from killing him, and with his recent lake of communication with me I wonder if the accusations against him are true. I guess we will find out soon enough.

Dec 20

2004-12-20T23:49:00.000-08:00

Oh the sweet, sweet thrill of the hunt. This was no ordinary hunt, this was to be an annihilation of every rebel jedi that dared show there face. A few of my fellow guild members joined me but most importantly I had rejoined my fellow comrades of the special forces unite I was in command of. The ROS. With our combined strength we were unstoppable. Every rebel jedi present felt the power of our might and fell before us. My bounty hunting robe used to be white.... by the time we had slaughtered them all it was red stained with there blood. we then turned our attention on every rebel that dared wave there banner out in the open. They were no match for any of us. We swept down upon them like a plague and destroyed every one of them. I was in absolute bliss the blood frenzy had reached its peek and the farel within just running wiled and free. I have been in need of a release such as this for a long time. But then something happened..... in the heat of battle something called out to me. A sense of something in danger.... I tried to ignore it but it kept calling to me drawing me to it. I stopped to listen to it, and i sensed it coming from Dant, but what was it? Against the feral hold on me, I pulled away from the battle and left immediately for Dant and what ever was calling out to me.
I was drawn to the agree Outpost. I used the force to guid me in the direction of the calling, I found myself face to face with Scar'let.... badly wounded and hiding in a corner. I had killed a few of the pirats to clear a path and lead her out to safety. We headed to her temple. Upon reaching the temple I discovered the reason for her being at the Agro Outpost... it was surrounded by a pack of wild hurtun's. I made quick work of the creatures and Scar'let mad it safely inside where I assisted in healing her wounds.
I wasn't in much of a mood to talk but i listened to her describe her temple to me. I didn't feel right in this place, but I didn't feel out of place either. She showed me around, It was well put together far more then the simple couch and bookshelf I have in my own house. We had gone to the roof to take in some fresh air, when Maxell showed up. If he was aware of my presence I know not, but we did not see each other. Scar'let asked me to attend something called Life Day..... some wookie thing. We left the temple and made our way to the Lake Retreat on Naboo only to be told to go to Endor. What is this musical planets....grrrr.... this better be worth it.
We traveled aboard her ship to Endor and made our way to the given waypoint. I spoke with 4 wookie's and they gave me some mumbo jumbo about honoring the dead. Before I left I was given a painting of a wookie, what the hell do I want with that? I gave it to Scar'let.
Today was just not the day for me to do this. I was in the mood to kill but I was bound to her and could not leave. We made our way back to Theed where we parted ways. I apologized to her about not seeing the wonder of Life Day that she did. I think she had hoped it would some how benefit me, but all day I have felt a hardening in my heart. I spoke very little to her this day and I regret it now. I do not remember what was said but she smiled at me, she has such a beautiful smile and I told her so, this made her blush. She moved up close to me... so close I could hear her heart beat. She reached up and kissed me. This was the last thing I had ever expected, I didn't know what to do but stand there and blink.
Before she left she told me Cuimhnigh. Remember. I have not heard these words since I was a child. They sounded so musical coming from her. Something inside me stirred, I wanted to reach out to her, but she had already turned into the starport and I lost sight of her.
We will see each other again. Scar'let....... I wont forget.

Dec 18

2004-12-19T13:01:00.000-08:00

DAMN IT!!!! I have been left without a choice. I had to incap Cauil when I found him..... he was at the temple, of all places to go he went there..... I don't know what he is thinking but it raises suspicions even in me, I was ordered to bring him in, but I could not do it. I left him there.... give him time to think of what has taken place, and hope he doesn't make the mistake of trying to run from the empire, he of all people knows what happens to those that do..... they eventually have to face me.
I have been receiving comm messages from Scar'let, she was present at the time I confronted Cauil. I ignored most of them but couldn't help but to respond to some. She insisted on coming to me.... for what?.. to tell me how wrong I am about my actions toward Cauil?...... Well im not... does she not understand I have orders to carry out, I have a responsibility to my men and my emperor to ensure those orders are carried out and the mission accomplished by any means necessary.
The only thing I can figure is she used the feral and the force to guide her way, but she found me on my new home planet and new home of the . She said she was on here way to me, I am not one to run so I stayed right where I was.
It wasn't long before she showed up. We talked, and I learnt some things of her and she of me. She calls me her friend.... and if I were to call anyone a friend I would have to say..... she is. I let my guard down with her to much, she gets to close to me...inside, but I cant stop her.
The time came when she had to leave and it was a very hard moment for me. I did not want her to go.
Just before she left I called out to her, I don't know what I was thinking I just wanted her to stay just a while longer. I walked up to her... took her hands in mine..... Looked her in the eyes, such amazing eyes. For the second time in my life I froze, but I wasn't about to just let this go.
I gave her a kiss on the cheek, told her to be safe. What is going on with me?

Dec 17

2004-12-18T21:45:00.000-08:00

Well its official..... I have been put in a very difficult situation. I have just received orders to bring Cauil in for questioning, and to take complete command of the SSS. I have Cauils biological signature so he wont be hard to find.
I have increased the strength of the by adding an additional 13 members and a jedi. All of whom are force sensitive and very strong in PvP. I am still awaiting the response of a few others.
Now to deal with Cauil.... he will not like the idea of me removing him from command of the and most defanintly wont like the idea of me coming to bring him in for questioning. Hopefully I wont have to kill him, and hopefully he will respect the fact that I come for him rather then a squad of stormtroopers..... we will see.

Dec 16 pt 2

2004-12-18T16:10:00.000-08:00

I waited for Scar'let in Theed, not sure what to expect to take place. Im still a little unnerved from our last meeting. I was inside when I felt a tingling sensation from within me.... it was her.... I could sense her here in the city. I got up from my corner in the cantina and went outside. I was trying to focus on the direction she was coming from, but my head was still cloudy from earlier. Then I saw her.... before I could fully sense her... she was there, across from the cantina, she seemed un easy... I approached her slowly and knelt before her. I am much bigger and stronger then she and I did not want to frighten her any more then she already appeared to be. She asked me to follow her to the library.... I wasn't sure if I should go along or not but I did not resist her request. We made our way and out to the balcony. She seamed to relax more once we had reached our destination.
We talked for a long time..... It.. felt good to just.... talk to somebody. My whole life has been one hardship after another, and for this woman to show such caring and kindness for me, just baffles my mind. I have brought so much pain to those that cross my path that I am actually afraid of hurting her. She spoke to me and I responded but I was so intoxicated with her that I cannot recall all that she has said.
It was then that I noticed how fragile she was, how so unprepared for what challenges she faces in trying to reach deeper within me. I know now she will never be strong enough. She grew weaker with every passing second.... I didn't know what to do, she wavered, I reached for her and pulled her to me holding her so she would not fall. I knelt down with her intending to lay her on the ground, but in spite of her lose of strength she held on to me tightly. She curled up in my lap as a kitten would, this confused me..... but even more it made me laugh, well it was more of a chuckle, but I couldn't stop it, it was a genuine warm chuckle.
I do not understand what is going on, new feelings and sensations.... but I do not think she can give me the peace she offers, she is not strong enough. I.... am left without a choice I must find my mentor and begin my training for the Sith. I must forget about her and all that she has said, I have to.... or its possible that I could kill her. I do not want that so I must maintain distance. I will leave the galaxy if I have to.

Dec 16

2004-12-18T14:56:00.000-08:00

In a whirlwind of sights and sounds my dream, nightmare or vision.... slowly a familiar scent starts to bring me back to reality. I feel so weak.... disoriented un sure of what is going on....where am I?.... MENTOR!! MASTER!!! Where?.... this is.... a ship? How did I? My vision begins to clear some... and I notice I am not alone.
"Take it easy Deomo" he says
That voice... Maxell?
We talked for some time about something.... my head is still fuzzy, I remember he was telling me that she could help.... help with what? He said something about a genetic anomaly and the rage I feel inside me.... what does he know? I know what goes on with me.... I know about my blood frenzy.... the feral, and he tells me she can help.
For some reason.... I agree. I don't know why I do, but I do.
Now... I waite for here... in Theed.

Dec 15

2004-12-15T10:30:00.000-08:00

Some where in the night a woman sings a lullaby to her sleeping baby.......

On some distant planet couples hold hands and walk through magnificent gardens.....

In a cantina some place people are laughing, and happy......

Some where in this galaxy life is so wonderful perfect that it just has to be a dream.......

However on Dantooine I sleep..... out in the open alone and cold. I have no one to sing to me, no one to laugh with.... nightmares consume me, filled with hate.... the faces of the hundreds of lives I have taken haunt me at every corner. My dreams are filled with screams of terror. Every where I look, every direction I turn is some hideous rendition of a person I have killed. I feel the pain I have caused, the anguish.... I can not escape. Every door leads to some new horror. Have I really inflicted this much pain? The screams, the crying, escalate to a deafening roar, then suddenly.... It all stops. I hear nothing, its all gone, all but one door. I reach for the handle and open it, I step inside.....
Im... im home.... as a chilled, my father and I are playing in the yard in front of our house.... my mother is on the porch with my baby sister. I was..... happy... I don't remember this but yet it seems so real. My father and I are playing chase.... my father..... father. He was so strong....
Waite what's going on? Its fading, changing... getting dark..
I squint through the shroud of fog, something on the ground..no..... FATHER!!! He has been.... oh godz... mutilated. His head almost severed from his body... eyes gouged out... how could this.... what, what is that?..... no...no.....NOOOO!!!!! It... its.... I.... I did it. I killed my father. I see myself covered in blood.... his blood. How?.....
The room begins to spin... everything begins to run together...im in a fast downward spiral... a new image appears before me its.... me, how I am now, and Cauil... we seem to be... fighting? No that cant be I would never attack Cauil..... but yet I killed my father.. why not the man that I owe my life to? Now I see Maxell and his pets, they jump on me, drag me down, Brem stands over me, he is looking around driving them back, he is... protecting me.... he looks down at me, the look in his eyes reminds me of..... in a flash he drives his lance into my chest.... Scar'lets words echo in my head, there is peace..... Peace..... her face appears before me she is looking into my eyes, those eyes so much like mine "peace".... hear hand touches my face, so warm and comforting, she leans in closer to me... "rest"... her face so calm..... then I feel the cold sharp pain of a knife pressing into my throat.... "rest in peace Deomo"
I do not struggle......

It is the only peace.......

I will ever know.....

Dec 14

2004-12-14T09:44:00.000-08:00

..... And now... I waite....
..He will show... he has to.....

Dec 14

2004-12-13T21:53:00.000-08:00

....What is happening to me?.....
..I don't understand this feeling.....
...... I need to.... to.....
I need to find.... him, talk to him get my head on straight. He will tell me what is going on, show me the way back to how I was. *do I want to go back?*.....
Yes I have too.... I need to.... im losing what little control I had.... I..... I..... don't know anymore. Find him, do that first, then worry about the rest later.... yes that's what I need to do

Dec 13

2004-12-13T06:11:00.000-08:00

Many things have changed since i last put an entry into my log. I can only assume that through the years of working under Cauil I have learned..... diplomacy? Yes that would be the word. I have ordered my men to stand down on the attack on Wikan. Though I still regard them as somewhat of a threat they will not be persuade at the moment. There are other things that need to be taken care of first.
On the matter of Maxell.... what can I say? I do not fully know weather or not I should trust him but I do not regard him as an enemy any longer. But again that can change. I still fell it was he that sent the assassin after me the other day, how unfortunate that she has been swayed to work for me gathering intel.
Brem.... Brem, Brem, Brem, Brem..... from what I gather he is nothing more then a nuisance, misguided, he will be dealt with accordingly but at a much later date. I... may request to Lord Vadar he be put under my charge so as to.... keep an eye on him, he was after all a rebel at one time and need not be given the full confidence of the Emperor.
As for the woman... Scar'let... I have finally learned her name yes.... she and I have spoken. She is.... different some how, I can not explain how but the feral sense I felt before has some how changed.... is it this inner peace she speaks about? She has offered to show me this peace... ask's if I know love. She believes she understands me..... she can not. There is no inner peace for me, no "love", nothing can change that, nothing. I am what I am, a killer, this is what I thrive on and yet....... her words.... no I will not allow myself to be swayed.... years ago I forced myself to have no feeling to not care about anything, I do not need love and peace comes from killing....... *but yet?* Why can I not stop thinking about her words.... she vexes me, and still I....... No, no more should be said on that matter.
I know that Cauil has gone to Dath to visit an old friend of his, even from this distance I can feel his sorrow, his mind is strained..... he is.... my... only friend, I want to contact him, find out what is going on.... but I will leave him to his personal affair's......
I myself have a few things I need to take care of. The feral within is becoming increasingly harder to maintain.... I wonder if maybe I have given myself over to it once to often? I do not know, maybe it is something else that drives its release. No matter if that is what is to happen then I welcome it, I welcome not knowing, not understanding, not being restrained, not...... Damn her words, they haunt me. I need to.... what?.... what do I need to do? The answers will come.....

Dec 11

2004-12-11T14:41:00.000-08:00

This will be my last entry for some time. It has come to my attention that my logs are not secure. I will let this much be known to whom ever is reading this, your only salvation is on a 30 day leave of absence in a remote location out of comm reach....... here comes the pain.

Dec 10

2004-12-10T12:47:00.000-08:00

Oh just great, I know Cauil knows what he is doing but some times I just don't understand his motivation. Why in the hell is he placing Hauke under my command? I cant believe they let him out. He is guilty as all hell, but they let him out and now Cauil wants me to take charge of this good for nothin bastard..... Fine... if that's what you want Cauil I will keep the little puppy in line but the first time he does anything, ANYTHING, that I don't like...... I will kill him.

Dec 9

2004-12-09T23:48:00.000-08:00

........
.... I....
.. heart rate slowing.....
..vision clearing....
.... is it... over?....
..yes.... for now........
.. How long have I been?....
..Doesn't matter......
.. thirsty.....
I ... feel weak.... need to rest.....
.. no time.... I hear them....
... to weak to fight anymore.... I have to run
Damn!!.... I can lose them..... I hate running from a fight....
.. but in my condition I have no choice.....
Up ahead... a cave.... got to mask scent before they get to close....
This cave.... smells of Rancor's....
RANCORS!!!! Shit that means im on Dath.... how did I?....
What difference does it make? Im here now. They wont follow me in here they are to weak to take on rancor's.... for that mater so am I right now... better not go to deep. I feel so weak but yet so refreshed. I needed that. He says its good to release from time to time and it has proven useful. However this time was not the same as before. This time something more drove me, something caused me to go deeper into the blood frenzy, but what? The woman? She is to far away, the tracking device I placed on her ship says she is on Yavin IV..... whats this? A message from Cauil. Interesting.... he is taking a leave of absence, what for? With him on leave that means I take command in his absence.... this could be good. I will talk with Cauil on this matter when I get back to Naboo, find out any details.... My good buddy Maxell isn't going to like this..... to bad for him. I think I should also put in a call to a few.... friends.

Dec 8

2004-12-08T23:58:00.000-08:00

.......... All at once I wake....
...I do not know where I am...
......Covered in blood.....
Its not mine.....
..Again?... Cant be.....
This has not happened for many years now but.......
Bodies..... mangled and slaughtered....
My handy work?..... but much more brutal..
I must not let Cauil find out about this....
No one must know.
The stench of blood lays heavy in the air....
Where am I?........
Last thing I remember was.....
Rori!! The fight.... 4 jedi knights came from no where.....
I wounded 2 of them and killed a member that was with them.....
But here.... where is this place?
Its not Rori.... It looks like.....
No..... I have not been here since they cast me out...
Could this really be?.....
Flashes come to me..... not enough to make a full picture...
Im shaking.... head hurts..... I need to find him.....
He can help...... Do I want help?.....
I am still amazed at what I am capable of....... look at them......
Blood frenzy took over again...... I wonder if she felt it?.....
I am not sorry for what I have done here......... they deserved it....
I need to....... something is wrong
..... cant stop shaking..... I....
I wont fight it.... let it come....
... release..... If she can feel me the way I do her then she will come....
..... she will be drawn to me like a bee to honey..... but only if.....
I feel it surging..... I must get to the forest.... Its been so long...
My head........ dizzy........... forest..... have to.... hart racing.....
The black shroud.... some how different..... got to.... run...
cant see.... I will.... wake...... again..... let it come..... let it....
..........
..there..........
I can hear.... Screaming....... let it.........
.........
........
...
*black out*

Dec 7

2004-12-08T06:16:00.000-08:00

Today's entry will begin with that coward Maxell. This man has the nerve to say I need to leave the planet before he will meet with Cauil.....on top of that he has several of his own men standing around on guard.....apparently to make sure I didn't show up. I will NOT allow something like this to happen again. The filthy coward wont face me like a man, instead he will hide behind his men while I offer myself up front and in the open. Yes it is true I enjoy my job, I am good at what I do, but for some reason this doesn't settle well with my good friend Maxell. The difference between he and I is at least you know where you stand with me, I doubt his loyalty runs deeper then the surface of a piece of paper. Some day..........

Now....onto my newest interest. My puppet. I have yet to learn her name but I have managed to hold many comm conversations with her. I can feel her......struggling for release. She can only calm the burnng fire within when she is hunting, killing. Even then she is not fully satisfied......she yearns for something more, and I know what it is. She fights herself for control everyday, but with minimal success. I can sense her anguish inside and it thrills me to a point beyond anything I have ever felt before. The feral, the sentient, it is Zabrak nature, and it will not be denied. In my youth, what I remember of it, I have heard tails of many of my kind trying to suppress this feeling, only to be driven to complete insanity. She runs from it.... seeking only to.... calm it. There are some that do not feel it as strongly as others. I am one that has felt it, I felt it at a young age, so great was it, that I was cast out of my clan for the murder of my father, I was 10, and to this day still do not know if I truly am responsible for his death. She feels it in the same way I have, she denies what we have in common. The same lust for blood, for the power you feel holding ones life in your hands, judge, jury and executioner. I can show her release, I can show her everything whe has ever wanted to know, all she has to do is come to me.
I mentioned this to Cauil....... he insists that I stay focused on the task at hand and when it is over I can peruse her. In one night I almost had her convinced to come to me.... if I could get close enough to her, where we could sense each other more strongly, I know I could over power her will to avoid me. But I follow Cauil's orders, I will leave her be..... for now, she may yet still come to me. I placed a tracking device on her ship to trace her movements, I may have to avoid contact with her for now but I can still keep an unseen I on her.

So for now I waite to receive word on what our next move will be..... Lord Vadar requires my..... expertise, I will go to him tomorrow.

Dec 5

2004-12-07T08:19:00.000-08:00

A massive battle took place in the Imperal city of Theed today. I took part as any self respectin Imperial Officer would do. Mostly I did it to kill. It was a back and forth battle, but in the end of it all the Imperails won, and theed is still under Imperial rule.

Towards the end something strange happend. Something I hadnt felt befor. All my senses jumped up 10 fold. I felt something, or should I say, someone. I dont know who this stranger is, but I will find out. It is a need to find out. Something inside me, almost primal, demanding to know who this person is. Naturaly by instinct i want to kill anything that may pose as a threet, But this feeling is so diferent from anything i have feelt befor that killing may not be the answer.

I searched around trying to direct my senses to pick up where it was coming from, but there was still so much going on that i couldnt pin point a direction. Maybe it was the blood frenzee, so i tried to ignore it. A moments distraction came when i recived an anonomuse com that the guild Wikan was looking for me, revenge for the girl I killed the other day. How pathetic is that?, First mistake leting me find out, the second mistake is not illing me when they had the chance. Durng the battle at Theed i saw 2 of them, there may have been more but they were the only 2 i saw, they didnt last long.

I decided to head to the cantina and relax some but couldnt shake the feeling. I didnt know what to make of it. As i reached the cantina everythng focused in all at one point. The shuttle port. What ever or who ever was making me feel this way was at the shuttle port. I made a mad dash to get there every second ticking away was like an eternatie. I had to discover what this was. As i came around the corner i saw the shuttle starting to land. SHIT!!!! im going to be to late.
My pistole was drawn and ready I couldnt waiste time getting out my carbine........
Almost there........
The shuttle doors began to open..........
Just a little further......
The feeling was getting stronger as I got closer What ever it was, was there and about to get away.........
Hurry up!!!!! The shuttle doors are closing.........
I reached the side of the shuttle, pistole pointed out and at the ready.....
My helmet was on but it seemed she made eye contact with me as the doors came to a compleet shut.
What the hell is going on? I reached her in time, pleanty of time to put 2 scatter pistole shots at damn near point blank range right in her chest and I........
I froze.....
ME......
Deomo........
Froze.........

Dec 3

2004-12-07T07:27:00.000-08:00

When i woke up ths mornig i had recived a message from Cauil. The prisoner we took to the Retreat was to be moved. Cauil had knowledge of a rescue attempt to be made, so we had to act fast. Hell now what? I was given orders to go to the Retreat and escort her away. I gathered my things and headed out. LIke i said I dont like taking people alive, but Cauil insisted on the fact that she remain that way. Well ok no problem, there are.......other things that i can do for entertainment.

I reached the Retreat without any problems, but when i got there, that guy was there again. Maxell is his name, I still havnt had a chance to gather any intel on him, but the day was young. I should just kill him and get it over with, but I had orders to get in and out quickly, no time for fun, not yet, anyway. This guy Maxell is a real pain. As i said i have no idea why he is around but he insisted on sending one of his little mutts to follow us to make sure she dosn't run off. I dont need hs help, nor do i want it. In fact i wont to kill this guy just for brathing the same air as me. I dont understand why, just a feeling inside. He trailed us for a while, if not for the yapping of that stupid mutt of his i would have lost him.

I finally got fed up and cofronted him. He said some crap that i dont know what i was doing and the Emperor sent him to tag along. Yeah as if im going to belive that. The Empeor come on man you couldnt come up with somethng better then that? I was about ready to just say screw it and kill him right there on the spot, who the hell does this guy think he is telling me how to do my job, a job that Lord Vadar appointed to me personaly, Bounty Hunting, but thats when Cauil showed up with his allwys diplomatic 2 cents.So you will live one more day Maxell, but some day you and I will meet again and Cauil wont be around to save you.

I was ordered to go ahead and scout out Talus for any one that might be trying to rescue this woman. So i left, against my better judgment to leave Cauil with this guy, but as I said, I dont question his orders. I reached Talus, and again i find nothing, the lack of killing people is really starting to piss me off. I was joind by Chas, Cauil, and a new guild member Thafipi at the Imperial outpost on Talus. I guess Lao had joined up with Cauil along the way and was with the girl. We made our way to our fellow guild members of Sting and there home area where a detaining cell was to be the prisoners new home, for now.

From this point I dont know what took place something about an abortion and such, looks like i missed out on the fun. No matter when we got her to the holding cell she was put under questioning, and i got the pleasure of "persuading" her to talk. She wasnt talkng under my more subtel methods so i was going to be a little more forcefull, when our sesion had to be cut short. The so called rescuers had shown up, Finaly some action, so i thought. Cauil told me to stay inside and keep an eye on her. What the HELL!! I guess he knows me to well, I get cought up in a frenzy of blood and dont really know when to quite killing some times.

The attempt of rescue failed, the combined streangth of Sting and SSS is unmatched by any force, and the "hero's" were quickly disposed of. This is where Things got better, for me. Cauil decided she was useless and ordered her execution, and who better to handle such a job then me. Her death was quick, to quick for my likeing. My only regret about killing her is I can only do it once.

Now that she is dead i can start my investigation on Maxell......
Somebody knows something about him......
I just need to do what i do best.........
"Persuade" a few people to talk.....
I love my job

Dec 2

2004-12-07T06:55:00.000-08:00

There in front of me...........
The poor guy had no idea i was right behind him............
I like to look at my "prey" in the eye befor i extiguish there life............
He stoped........... like he feelt me looking at him burning a hole right through his heart...........
He turned.......looked me in the eye............and froze, he knew his life was about to end.
He tried to plead for his life........some crap about a wife and 2 children..........
I dont care..........I told him so...........and not to worrie.........they will join him soon.
This enraged him and he charged at me.............I stood my ground and smiled at him............raised my pistol.......in one squeez of the trigger...........he was dead.
I love my job.

My mission compleat, I was heading back home, when over the comm a familier voice hails me. It was Cauil. He had asked me to meet him on Tat. in Bestine. Said something about needng to gather a prisnore. I told him i dont take prisoner's, but he erged me to join him, for the sake of the empior. I am a loyal and faithfull servent and officer to the emperor, so I agreed.

Once there i meet with him and an old acuantince Lao. If these 2 were together then I new this was something BIG. Cauil quickly breefed us on what we were to do, kill every one but the target. Not my useual method for bounty hunting, but i still would have the chance to kill, so i was satisfied with that.

We made our way to the med center were our target was said to have been seen. She was, and wth only one guard. Easy enough, but why would he need me to come along for something like this? he could have easely taken care of the situation alone, and Lao too. Im not one to question Cauils orders, his judgment some times but never will i question an order from Cauil. The guard was easy enough, I think he said his name was Brem.......poor basterd never stood a chance. The target tried to run...........foolish girl. Normaly i would have blown out the back of her head but Cauil said we needed to take her alive. ALIVE?!!!!! OK Cauil your the boss.

We took her to the Imperial Retreat on Naboo where we left her to be imprisond. I still dont know why we need her for anything, but thats not my call. We incountered no resistance from anyone along the way. Mission compleat but something else was afoot here. When we had reached the Retreat another Imperial officer was there and to my knowledge has no involvment with us. I have never seen him befor, but something didnt settle well about him. Call it years of training, call it a hunch, call it what ever you like, I didnt like him or trust him, something about him just rubbed me wrong. I will have to pull a few strings (or teath, makes no differance to me) to find out more about him. Cauil dont trust ths guy.